I have had this saved on my phone for the better part of a decade, and while it’s always appropriate, it’s just crazy actually turning 30 and looking back over the years; when could I have used this advice more? was any of this accurate?
Before you read it, the answer is “yes!!!!!!!” And it’s all advice that we give each other, that older people give younglings, yet applying it is always a little tricker… Earlier this week I took every paragraph from this note and wrote down how it is true, when I did it, when I should have, etc. and to anyone who blows off parts of this note as untrue or not necessary, well, then you’re probably a few years younger than me. I don’t mean that in a bad way at all! I just mean that there are certain understandings that come with time and age, and while I’m talking like I’m 50 and know everything, I just know the feeling of being in my early 20’s and reading this note thinking, well that sounds silly but maybe it’ll be true someday. Some things are harder to understand until you experience them, and some things you only experience over time.
My 20’s have brought way more than one decade of learnings for me. I’ve lived in six states these past ten years, I’ve visited 12 countries, lived internationally, held 5 different jobs, adopted a pup, gotten married, and probably made a bajillion mistakes in between all of that. But looking back at who I was in my early 20’s, and who I am now… I know that all of those things happened for a reason and have made me who I am today. Sure did my relationship ending in my early 20’s feel like the end of the world? Totally! But now as I look back my mindset is now, “why did I even date that guy?”
You change as time goes on; whether it’s from the things you learn, things you experience, or the mistakes you make, you change. And that’s not bad!! If I was the same person I was when I was in my early 20’s I would be working at a job that I don’t like, dating a douche, with no idea where I stood in my own world. Now, while at 30 I am still confused AF at time, i now get to fall back on my experience or mistakes or learnings from the past ten years.
Now, remember that letter I mentioned a few paragraphs ago? Well, you’ve been very patient (or you just skipped ahead, which I’m cool with), let’s see how this letter unfolds, shall we?
Please don’t be so hard on yourself. Be gentle
Speak to yourself in more loving and encouraging ways. You inner dialogue is the most powerful voice you hear. Turn down the volume of the critic so the voice of your inner knowing gets louder.
Smile. A lot.
You are doing the best you can. Always looking for ways to be more, better or different is NOT the formula for success. You think it is motivating you to create results, but it is completely exhausting.
Look for what inspires you rather than what drives you. Allow your curiosity to lead you.
You know that guy you are obsessed about getting to like you? In five years you won’t even remember his name.
You know that job you are devastated about not getting? There is a way better opportunity coming around soon.
Don’t wait for fear to go away before you go after something you want. Being scared is natural. You’ll become more courageous each time you feel fear and do it anyway.
Stop comparing yourself to others, it is preventing you from seeing and discovering your own unique gifts and what you are here to express to the world. Know the qualities you admire in others are the qualities you need to recognize and nurture inside yourself.
Your parents are people too with issues, and triggers. They are getting used to having an adult child, just as you are getting used to being an adult.
You are going to get over your heartbreak. I know it feels so painful right now. Cry all of your tears, get it out, then let it go. Take all lessons you learned and move forward. You will love and be loved again. And you will be so grateful for your heartache because it taught you so much about love.
Take leaps of faith — even when you don’t know where you are going to land. You are going to develop so much courage and trust in yourself as you take risks. It’s okay not to be 100% sure — 51% sure is enough to take the leap.
Be of service. Have a generous heart. That is how you make a difference in the world.
Enjoy your body. Stop obsessing about it. Stop trying to make it into some perfect image of what you think it should be. You look fantastic, take lots of pictures and wear bikinis more often.
“No” is a complete sentence. You don’t need to follow it with justifications and apologies.
The decisions you are making re not all forever decisions. I know you feel so much pressure to figure it all out right now and everything feels like a major decision. It’s not. Choose what feels the best for right now and trust you will learn from each choice you make.
You will find your passion and purpose. Everything that you are going through now is a piece of the puzzle. Just because you don’t know how the puzzle comes together yet doesn’t mean it’s not being assembled.
Sometimes figuring out what you want isa process of elimination. Let yourself experiment and try different things. It’s okay to change your mind, and the only way you’ll know if something is a fit is if you try it.
Cultivate you’re friendships. They will become the family you get to choose.
Find friends who will grow with you, and let go of the friendships that have reached their expiration date.
List the things you are grateful for every day.
What other people think of you is nono of your business. People are always going to judge you. So what!?! It’s impossible to please everyone to be liked by everyone. Be you, the real you, not the version you think you need to be for others.
You are enough. You are perfect just the way you are.
Ask for help and support . You do not have to figure everything out on your own, and you are not supposed to have everything figured out right now. It’s okay not to know how, what, when, where and why.
Take compliments.
You are doing the best you can. And so is everyone else.
Enjoy the moment. Your mind is always in the future. Stop living in when/then’s. Be here now and have fun. This is a time in your life where you can be a bit selfish and focus on what makes you happy.
Forgive — yourself and anyone else you are holding judgments against.
You are not alone. So many other people feel the same way you do. Be willing to be vulnerable.
Each step is moving you forward, even if you feel like you are moving backward.
breathe. Slow down. Take your time. It all works out. Your dreams come true and there are magical surprises in store. Life is amazing now, and it gets even better!
I hope that you copy and paste this into your phone, because no matter what age you are, we could all use these reminders here and there!
So cheers to turning 30!
No, really, I’ve got a cocktail in my hand, so, join me?
